We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
