oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
