my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
