i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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