Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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