I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
