What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
