I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
