Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize