mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
