thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
