I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
