No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
