guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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