Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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