i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
