one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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