I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
