The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
