It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
