I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
