I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
