if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
