you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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