Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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