I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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