smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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