2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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