I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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