Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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