yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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