Dual....:-)
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
