Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
