I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
