grandma shit on top of the toilet
Your dad touched me again.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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