I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
