My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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