so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
