If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
