I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
