I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
