There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
