Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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