I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
