so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
