Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
