I wish I could punch you in the face.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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