I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
