...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
