Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
