ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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