I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
