it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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