4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
