what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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