I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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