So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
