dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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