Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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