Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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