It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
