The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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