Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
