My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
