I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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