Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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