Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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