it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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