remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it's like heaven, but drunker
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
