I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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