you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
