did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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