and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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