I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
