I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize