Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
