Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
