I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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