Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
