2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize