So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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