NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
