Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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